It’s not a competition.

On the way to work this morning I was listening to a popular radio show when a stay at home mom called in.  I missed the first part of the call, but the gist of it is that she has 3 children and has a hard time finding a moment of peace and solitude.  I think we can all relate to that as parents of young children.  Sometimes you just want to go to the bathroom by yourself or take a longer shower than normal.  I don’t think its too much to ask, and neither did any of the DJs on the show.  You can imagine my shock, then, when another stay at home mom called in and actually passed judgment on this lady for asking for a few moments away from her children. 

What is it with women these days making every. single. facet. of parenthood a freaking competition?! Why is it that because you don’t wish for a few minutes alone and feel fulfilled with your life as a stay at home mom that you would think you are better than someone who has a completely different experience with a completely different set of children who you don’t know and frankly, know nothing about? Look, we all love our kids, and we all know that time is so very fleeting, and that this time when they are little is so precious…but we also know that parenting is hard. It is the toughest job I have ever been entrusted with. I don’t need the opinions of others and judgments and competitions of who is a better mother because they don’t want 5 minutes to pee alone, or breastfed longer, or cloth diapers the best to make it that much harder on me. Give it a rest already. 

I love this post by Glennon over at Momastery about how you don’t have to carpe the whole effing diem, but rather celebrate the most precious moments.  Let’s face it - we all have our days, and I really think the judgy caller this morning had to be lying. Nobody’s that perfect, and let me tell you, I love every minute that I have with my one kid, but there are days that I am counting down the minutes to bedtime. Kids are challenging. They are supposed to be challenging. Its not always rainbows and butterflies in the world of parenting, but I can definitively say that it is mostly rainbows and butterflies. To all my WAHM’s, SAHM’s, Working Mom’s, and especially  you single mamas out there - if you need some me time to be a better parent - TAKE IT.  You are doing a great job, and I commend you for recognizing that you need time for yourself to be good. And if you miss out on a few moments with your little ones, its okay. I will never judge you for trying your best.