I spend a good portion of my day wondering what in the world I have done to deserve the privilege of being this boy’s mama. From the day he was born I have been pondering what good deed I could have committed in order to be rewarded so handsomely. That’s the funny thing about babies. From their first moments in this world they have a way of making you wonder how you ever lived before them, while simultaneously trying to figure out just what you did that brought you to such a beautiful place. You are instantly catapulted into the strongest, most instantaneous love you have ever felt, and you move forward, through the sleepy newborn phase and wake up in toddlerhood, wondering just how the hell you got here with this walking, talking opinionated KID, and why the heck it seems like just yesterday that they were placed warm & slippery on your chest for the first time.
And sure, there is a great deal of responsibility that comes along with being a mama. A crushing amount of responsibility. (you mean I’m supposed to provide for their every need, keep them safe, AND make him into a productive member of society?!!!) But I’ll let you in on a little secret - it is the most joyful responsibility on this planet. I have never been entrusted with such an important job in my life until him. I have never thrown myself so completely into my “work.” And never have I felt the level of confidence and self-assurance that I do being his mother. I don’t think another person on this planet can offer him the lessons and experience and knowledge I can. After all, we were made for each other, him and I.
I am absolutely, 100% positive that I am doing something right. Look at him. He is so cute it actually physically hurts sometimes. I mean, I can literally explode. But he is smart too. And kind. And FUNNY. And I don’t think I can even begin to take credit for all of that. But somewhere inside of him is a piece of me. And he is 100% good, so I must be doing something right, here.
The tiniest things in the world really do bring the most joy. The most rock-me-to-my-core-capture-my-entire-soul-I-would-do-anything-for-you type of joy. I swear, I haven’t smiled or laughed as much in my entire life, as I have these past 22 months. And even with the responsibility of raising a man (and not just any man - but a GOOD man), I would never trade one day of this wonderful journey we are walking together. Time and again I realize that while I am teaching him numbers and colors and even bigger things like friendship and empathy, he really is the one teaching me. All of the wisdom and humility in this world is packed into 32 lbs of cute, and I am so damn lucky to take it all in every day.
And while I may not hold all of the answers on how to be the best parent, the one thing in this world I am sure of is that while I might not have done anything spectacular to deserve the joy that comes in being his mom, I know that he is the most spectacular thing I have ever done.